ExtenZe

Slander: claiming to provide maximum strength enhancement to that certain part of the male body.

It’s easy to see why these adverts have caught on so well: Pornography, the provider of our sexual standards as a nation, hardly…rarely features members…men with members that more closely resemble the standard penis size. The standard six-incher, whether it be a grower or a shower, is shunned as boring, unattractive, and not worthy of praises such as “Oh my god, your cock is so huge! Ahh!” and “It was insane. I’ve never had a cock that big before.” This is an ideal most men cannot realize.

ExtenZe has tapped these fears by providing pills they say lead to all-natural male enhancement, a euphemism for penis enlargement. With such a desperate need to make our fantasies a reality, America’s men can be forgiven for making this product such a success. But does it work?

NO! ExtenZe is a total fraud. I have taken the recommended doses and seen absolutely no difference! Like psychics and my estranged deadbeat son, it claims to work yet is utterly worthless.

But don’t take our word for it. Here’s what a doctor practicing in the state of New Jersey had to say:

The effects of ExtenZe are completely nonexistant. The pills contain high and unsafe traces of lead, and disturbing quantities of rat feces. Being the committed physician I am, I've taken them myself for some time now (purely in the interest of science), and have noticed no other change in my genitalia other than a strange green glow eluminating my left testicle. I should definitely get that checked out. - Dr. Vinnie Boombotz
Right. Not only do they not work, but taking them is a great risk. As far as I knew, only Red Lobster was willing to slip that much rat turd content into what they offer and not even apologize.

Taking ExtenZe is simply not worth it, as I have just discovered. It would be wrong to say the effects of ExtenZe are "nonexistant", Dr. Boombotz; while they clearly did not extend the size of my penis, they certainly had one hell of an effect:

THEY MADE IT FUCKING FALL OFF!!!

Do not worry, though; like those of the humpback whales, my penis is simply reattachable. This is due to an unusual event where I was consumed by a radioactive whale and then flushed out, only to find I now shared some of it's traits. Sony has already bought the rights to my story; expect to see "The Dickless Wonder" in a theater near you some time next summer.

Obviously, though, not all men share this ability. So it is of the utmost importance that you heed my warning and DO NOT USE EXTENZE! Unless, of course, you fantasize about one day looking down and seeing your dismembered dick wiggling in an ever-expanding pool of your blood. If not, you just to have to learn to live with what God gave you. And if that's not enough for you, you can always pop some Viagra and do it in the butt, sans lube. A practical mind will do you much better than a blue capsule full of rat shit ever will!

This has been Scam America!, always looking out FOR YOU!

17 comments:

  1. Hi there,
    Thank you for visiting my blog. I appreciate it greatly. Thanks again and keep up the great work on your blog. We all could use a little more humor in our lives. Rick

    ReplyDelete
  2. man all you had to do was put the name and that's it.

    PS this is one of my fav commercials, just because of the guy that starts it off. "Male Enhancement...." lol

    ReplyDelete
  3. Extenze was developed to help a man achieve a larger, firmer and longer lasting erection. Maxoderm was developed for the same reasons. Viagra on the other hand was developed to help a man maintain an erection for a longer period of time. It does nothing to enhance the man's erection size.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Well, the best way to find out if it works or not is to try it yourself!

    ReplyDelete
  5. yeah trying is always better than complaining lol

    ReplyDelete
  6. I appreciate it greatly. Thanks again and keep up the great work on your blog. We all could use a little more humor in our lives.

    ReplyDelete
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