Burger King

Slander: claiming what I was given was the “correct change.”

A grave injustice has been committed against me, by none other than the Burger King burger stand. An operation with an otherwise spotless reputation, recent actions have forced me to put their conduct under review, not only for my sake, but for the sake of the American consumer!

What caused this suspicion occurred today when I was frequenting a local Burger King drive-thru. I was getting lunch, a Whopper value meal. Heh…some whopper.

Anyways, I realized all I had were hundreds. So I handed one to Estraleta, the drive-thru attendant, confident that the good people of Burger King, after 54 years in business, would give me the right amount of change, no problem. But it seems I’ll never be able to shake this little thing called naiveté.

A hundred I gave them, and ninety they gave me. Yet the bill was exactly $5.67! The gall! I may have been in a hurry, but I was definitely not leaving without my $4.33. So when I got my food I asked Estraleta about it, and what did she do? After not even bothering to apologize in the official language of our great nation, she only gave me back 33 cents. I told her there were 4 more dollars where that came from. She was confused and called her manager, Rick. I was comforted to hear that name. A good, solid American name. Surely no translation would be needed.

When I told Rick I was glad I could talk to someone who could understand me, and then nodded toward the diminutive Estraleta behind him, he informed me his last name was Rodriguez. Go figure. Well, he spoke my language, so that was enough. I told him what happened. He conferred with Estraleta in their foreign tongue and then told me he was confident she had given me the correct change. I asked how he could be certain of this, since he wasn’t there. He told me he runs a pretty tight ship, so Estraleta wouldn’t even consider stealing. I asked if it was possible to ever really know a person. He told me he had gotten a pretty good reading of me just from our little conversation.

I was in a blind rage, and so help me god, if I had not an appointment to keep, I would’ve set that GODDAMN PLACE ON FIRE!!! I shouted obscenities to them in the only Spanish I know and demanded one final time for the $4 I was rightfully owned, but Rick dismissed me on account of Estraleta had begun crying over the altercation. I hope you cried your little refried-ass off realll nice, sister; it’s called the sharp sting of guilt, and as you are obviously a practicing Catholic I would expect you to know it quite well. I left, but not without the undying conviction that I would one day return and right this wrong, but for now I must be content with the simple satisfaction that I’m getting the word out to all of you. My experience should serve as a reminder that in this day ‘n age no one, and I mean no one, is safe from the incompetency of the bureaucratic mindset. Nostalgic I am for the days when everyone took pride in what they do. Now, everywhere you look, it’s an Estraleta, or a Kung Pow!

Damn. In my rage I must've misplaced the receipt, cause I can't find it now. Oh, well. I can always just make a call to my friends at the INS. Oh, I'm sure they'll just have a field day at that place. That's right! After a week don't expect any color at the Burger King on MLK and Armenia besides black & white, baby! Just the way I like it: me white, her black. Hot damn!

Keep laughing your ass off, Burger King. I hope one day soon some underling gets envious and decides to commit some regicide. And by the looks of this picture it’s no surprise your product tastes like shit!

This has been Scam America!, always looking out FOR YOU!


  1. Hilarious Post! Ef the BK. Keep it up.

  2. Ha, I love this! Just say the word buddy, and I'll throw some petrol bombs with you.

  3. "an operation with an otherwise spotless reputation"...

    apparently you've never ventured inside BK to grab your grub. There's nothing spotless about BK, reputation or hygienically speaking... blech.
    hey on a sidenote, thanks for visiting my blog and following me :)

  4. What ever happened to the customer's always right??? Good post had me lauging.

  5. Hysterical...aside from the cruel fact that you forfeited a $4 premium for the rights to this tale of woe.

    "Sharp sting of guilt"...well-turned.

  6. Those bastards. I hope you get your revenge.